When you ask people what they believe is the most important lesson that a child can learn, you’ll get lots of different answers. Some people will say that developing a strong work ethic is critical to a person’s long term success. Others will say that empathy and compassion is an essential component in the development of a person’s of character. As the father of a child with severe autism, I’ve come to a much different realization. A strong work ethic can serve you well however in the absence of other important qualities, it can be a shallow and divisive trait. Compassion and empathy are critical to any well rounded human being. However, without the ability to think critically, compassion can become an irrational, self- serving broadcast, whose emotional presentation does little to resolve any true conflict.
Over the past few years, I’ve come to the realization that the most important thing a young person can learn is the concept of consequences; a basic understanding of cause and effect. Work ethic, love, empathy, self-reliance; all of these concepts are a distant second to understanding the nature of consequences. It goes to the very core of our survival; “If you play with fire, you may get burned”, “if you walk in the street, you may get hit by a car and be seriously injured or worse”. This is critical information that could literally mean the difference between life and death for you and those around you. This is also one of the most alarming things about young people with developmental disabilities. They can be completely oblivious to the consequences of their actions. This really tends to throw the rest of us off to the Nth degree.
When you look at literature about autism, often times people describe children with severe autism as being “fearless”, of having no concerns for their own safety. To the layman, that may appear to be true but to a seasoned parent, the “fearless” label is more myth than fact. It is not so much that they have no fear, it is more that they are not able to calculate, estimate, guess or assess what will happen as a result of what they are about to do.
We think it’s very simple: If you : A- Run on the Freeway….Than you might: B- Get hit by a car…..Which may lead to: C- Death.,... A + B = C, easy as pie right? No, not exactly.
This is what really throws us adults for a loop. How can a person not be afraid of these obvious dangers? Well, I can tell you that fear has very little to do with this problem. There is a difference between being fearless and not understanding what could happen as a result of one’s actions. The ability to process abstract information can be an issue for some people with autism. I know with our daughter, she appears to learn some things through “trial and error” with sometimes unpleasant experiences.
How do I know the difference? How can I be sure that it is my daughter’s inability to recognize potentially hazardous “stunts” rather than the supposed “ lack of fear” demonstrated by many children on the autism spectrum? Simple, my daughter had practically no “fear” of heights when she was young. She would climb anything and everything stationary. She had no perception or idea of how a person could be injured from high falls. However, my daughter has always had a very healthy fear of other things like birds, dogs and other animals. It doesn’t take a clinician to recognize the difference. She can see the animals and spiders and she can anticipate an unpleasant interaction. Her fear is a natural fear of the unknown and of a situation she can’t control.
On the other hand, jumping from high places and/or objects is perfectly controllable, at least from Dani’s perspective. She controls how high she climbs, she controls when to let go and where to make her “landing”; easy as pie, right? One bad landing and her fear of height is completely gone. Can you say that she really was fearless prior to her fall? No.
People who are fearless usually will get back up and try again when they are able; after all, they have No Fear. You see that all the time in professional athletes and stunt persons who can be critically injured in the act of doing what they love to do. Remember the opening to ABC’s Wide World of Sports back in the ‘70’s; “the Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat”? That same skier that went flipping and tumbling through the air and landed in a crumpled heap, got up and competed again the next week. That’s fearlessness.
The fall Danielle experienced changed her perception of heights. She knows what could happen, how she could be hurt. She understands the “Consequences” of her actions in regards to climbing and jumping from tall objects. Danielle was never “fearless” as people like to say. She had no reference point(s) and no concept of what could happen as a result of her jumping or falling.
We should never confuse a lack of experience and knowledge for Bravery or Fearlessness. Let this be a lesson for us all.
No comments:
Post a Comment