The world can be very tough on women. Unequal pay in the business world, lack of opportunities, prejudices, stereotypes and extremely high divorce rates are typical problems that women face in our society. We live in the greatest country in the world. Yet, in many ways, we are behind the times when it comes to recognizing what others already know. How is it that in 2008, we were still conducting straw polls to see if we are “ready” for a female President? Heck, even Pakistan had a female Priminister. We think much of ourselves and we frown upon those who we consider to be less “progressive” and “enlightened” then us. The fact is, as a nation, we are blissfully ignorant of the world outside our borders, we are egocentric to the point that we believe everyone wants to be like us and we are self centered enough to believe that our transgressions are less harmful than those committed by others.
At some point we must acknowledge the obvious; in order to lead, you must care about and for those who you are supposed to lead. That’s true at any level. If you are the leader of your neighborhood watch association, your local girls scout troupe, your family, your House of Representatives or your nation; it’s all the same principle. You can’t effectively lead a family nor can you lead a nation if you only care for those who agree with you. If you look at leadership from that perspective, the answer is an emphatic YES! We are ready for a female president, and African American President, a Mormon President or anyone who cares about the men, women and children of this country.
The world can be very tough on African American women. In addition to the struggles that all women in our society face, African American women carry the additional burden of the intra-cultural struggles we face as a community. The lack of opportunities in business, unequal pay, high divorce rates are challenges that all women face. However, the history of African Americans in our country has damaged and retarded our family structure in ways that we have yet to acknowledge or properly address as a community.
As an African American man living in California, I find the lack of historical knowledge amongst young men to be really disturbing. My father was a career military man. As a child, we moved around quite a bit. We lived in Hawaii, Washington, Florida, Louisiana and California. Frequent moving and changing of environments gave me a unique perspective on the things. Black people who live in the South have an entirely different view of the world. My mom was born in 1940’s Tennessee and my dad was born in Louisiana in the 1930’s. Segregation was not a choice; it was a way of life. In the Southern United States, it permeated all aspects of society. Politics, religion, education and recreation were all subject to the rules and edict of Jim Crowe Laws. African Americans who were born and raised in California had a different experience.
Whenever I’ve said this to black people who are “native” Californians, they get really upset. But the fact is, the Black Panther Party was formed in the Bay Area. This place was and is a liberal hot bed. You couldn’t have gone to Biloxi Mississippi and organized the Black Panther Party in the 1960’s. In Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia and other Southern States, the civil rights movement just happened and in many ways is still happening. As late as 2001, the U.S. government was still prosecuting Klansmen for Civil Rights Violations in the 1960’s. (By the way, Civil Rights Violations is code for the murder of men women and children…) Many of the people who marched and actively participated in the movement still live in the small towns and rural areas.
I’ve met blacks that have told me that they’ve never experienced any form of prejudice in their lives and I’ve met blacks that say they’ve been discriminated against everyday of their lives. In every case, these were “native” Californians.
What really disturbs me about the lack of knowledge in our community is the way that it manifests itself amongst our younger generation. It appears as though we are not talking to our kids about our place in this society. How we got to this point and how we are to progress as a culture is a lesson that we must teach our children. Recently, I was watching a talk show and they had a panel of men from different ethnic backgrounds talking about women. The African American men both made similar comments about African American women. One man said he preferred not to date African American women because they are pushy, difficult, bossy, critical of men and selective.
He felt that women of other ethnic backgrounds were much easier to get along with and came with less baggage. This statement is not something new. It is a long-standing stereotype that labels African American women as bossy, over-bearing and demanding. The one thing that makes stereotypes so painful is the fact that you can find an example of or perhaps a bit of truth in many of them.
The truth be said, it’s all about perspective. Are African American women bossy? I prefer to call it assertive. Are African American women over-bearing? I prefer to call it strong. Are they demanding and difficult to get along with? No, no more than anyone else.
Obviously, I have some explaining to do. Historically, African American women have assumed the role of head of household on a much more frequent basis than women of other cultures. This goes back hundreds of years ago when we were first brought to this country. Black family members were considered property and subject to barter, sale or trade. Therefore, many families were divided and separated. There were many other problems that contributed to the instability of the Black family. This included the short life expectancy of male slaves during the 17th through 19 centuries. Often times, women would be the one stabilizing presence in a family.
At the turn of the century, as the U.S. was entering the industrial revolution, Blacks that were the sons and daughters of slaves had few skills other than agricultural and manual labor. What few opportunities did exist for Black men rarely paid enough to support a family. African American mothers had to work and hustle to help make ends meet. It’s often said that our society changed during World War II because women had to join the workforce to aid the war effort. That may be true for our society in general, but not in the Black community. Our women have always had to work to provide for the family.
Historically, the incarceration of Black men has always been disproportionately high in this country; greatly contributing to the problem of single parenting in our community. The added fact that the life expectancy for young Black men is frighteningly low means that young Black moms are raising kids alone. In inner Cities, it is not uncommon to find two or three generations of Black women living together without an adult male around. Their male children grow up without a father and consider single moms the “norm”. There’s no male to model behavior from so they pick up their clues from the neighborhood crowd, RAP videos and video games.
Are Black women assertive, focused and sometimes uncompromising? Yes, wouldn’t you be? Many times, they end up being mother and father in a world that is equally uncompromising. I understand where they’re coming from. (Especially since I have daughters now!)
You’re probably thinking, “Why can't you get beyond this?” It’s all part of the thinking process. You can't ignore these things and think things will work themselves out.If you are a man raising a girl in our society, especially a girl of color, it would be wise to look at our history. You can’t protect your little girl from everything, but you can prepare her for things you know she will have to face. It’s the responsible thing to do as a father.
A friend of mine told me that I tend to concern myself with things that really are “non-issues”; of course, he’s got sons. I asked him, “If these things are non-issues, then why are we doing straw polls to see if we are ready for female leadership?”
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