I was only planning to work half the day.I was taking the afternoon off to accompany Kathy to her appointment with her OBGYN. Her doctor recommended "we" undergo a procedure called Amniocentesis. Amniocentesis, for those who don't know, is when the doctor takes a large needle and inserts it through the abdomen and into the uterus to extract amniotic fluid. The doctor can analyze the fluid and tell you the sex of the baby and detect 99% of all birth defects. That's right, 99%; Downes to Spina Bifida and everything in between, before and after. When a parent hears that,he/she can't help but be reassured; why worry about anything?
I was working with a client from Kaiser Permanente, we were setting up for a large employee meeting that was happening the next day. As I got ready to leave for the afternoon, I went to the client to let her know I was leaving and to introduced her to the event manager that would stand in during my absence. She asked me how Kathy was doing with the pregnancy and that led to an interesting conversation. I told her that I wanted to know the sex of the child and Kathy didn't so we agreed that I would find out but keep it a secret from Kathy. (..and Yes, I did find out and keep it a secret from Kathy for 6 months!) I also told her that the test would reveal any possible birth defects the child may have.
She asked me, "if your wife doesn't want to know the sex of the child, are you making her go through this procedure just so you can find out?"
I said, "of course not. I wouldn't put my wife through this for such a selfish reason. The doctor recommended we have this procedure because Kathy is 35 years old and this is her first child."
My client said, "well, what do you expect to learn from this procedure. What would you do if you find out you child has a birth defect?"
I responded, "I don't know. But I'd like to be informed so I can prepare."
"Prepare for what? You wouldn't abort the child, would you?"
I
My client just looked at me and said, "that's not why most people have those test."
I walked away thinking what a self-righteous piece of work she was. This obviously had nothing to do with medical issues and everything to do with her religious views. It really ticked me off!
I see my job as a father as simple, though challenging in today's society; raise a child that is empathetic, well-educated, strong and socially conscious. I can't raise anyone else's child and I don't care to change anyone else's life that doesn't pose a threat to my family. Women who want abortions, don't pose a threat to my family. Men who fall on love with other men, don't pose a threat to my family. People who own the meth house on the corner, pose a MAJOR threat to my family. See how that works? Anyhow, I am waaay off the subject matter here...
Kathy went through the procedure and six months later, Taylor was born, beautiful and perfect. Of course we were told the test of the amniotic fluid revealed no birth defects so we had no concerns when Taylor was born. As predicted, we were rewarded for our faith with this perfect little angel.
When it came time for Kathy to undergo the amniocentesis procedure again, "we" were pretty comfortable with everything. After all, our one experience had gone really well and we couldn't argue with the results.
Once again, the procedure went well and this time we both wanted to know the sex of our new baby. We struggled with names for a long time before we finally settle on Danielle. We had everything pretty well planned out. We knew our child would be fine. Baring some horrible unforeseen accident, our child would be perfect. After all, amniocentesis detects 99% of all birth defects and birth defects are what parents worry about. Certainly, developmental disabilities never even crossed our minds.
When I look back on my conversation with my client from Kaiser Permanente back in '97, I have to ask myself, "If amniocentesis could have predicted Danielle's autism, what would we have done?" Would we have decided to go through with the pregnancy? Kathy and I have never discussed abortions. It was never an issue but could it have been? Would it have been? It is easy to look at Dani today and say, "No way would I have missed out on this kid." But, given the little information we knew about autism at that time (absolutely nothing), the few resources available then and to this day, the stigma, concerns for the future and the stress on relationships, it is not hard to imagine some deep discussion, soul searching and much prayer. Thank goodness we did not have to make that decision.
I was working with a client from Kaiser Permanente, we were setting up for a large employee meeting that was happening the next day. As I got ready to leave for the afternoon, I went to the client to let her know I was leaving and to introduced her to the event manager that would stand in during my absence. She asked me how Kathy was doing with the pregnancy and that led to an interesting conversation. I told her that I wanted to know the sex of the child and Kathy didn't so we agreed that I would find out but keep it a secret from Kathy. (..and Yes, I did find out and keep it a secret from Kathy for 6 months!) I also told her that the test would reveal any possible birth defects the child may have.
She asked me, "if your wife doesn't want to know the sex of the child, are you making her go through this procedure just so you can find out?"
I said, "of course not. I wouldn't put my wife through this for such a selfish reason. The doctor recommended we have this procedure because Kathy is 35 years old and this is her first child."
My client said, "well, what do you expect to learn from this procedure. What would you do if you find out you child has a birth defect?"
I responded, "I don't know. But I'd like to be informed so I can prepare."
"Prepare for what? You wouldn't abort the child, would you?"
I was really kind of floored by such a personal question. Perhaps I asked for it, after all I provided the information that allowed her to go there in the first place. Still, I couldn't help but be offended.
I said,
"if I know that my child has any type of disability or special need, I can be prepare myself by learning as much as possible in advance. Preparing/adapting the house, if necessary."
My client just looked at me and said, "that's not why most people have those test."
I walked away thinking what a self-righteous piece of work she was. This obviously had nothing to do with medical issues and everything to do with her religious views. It really ticked me off!
I see my job as a father as simple, though challenging in today's society; raise a child that is empathetic, well-educated, strong and socially conscious. I can't raise anyone else's child and I don't care to change anyone else's life that doesn't pose a threat to my family. Women who want abortions, don't pose a threat to my family. Men who fall on love with other men, don't pose a threat to my family. People who own the meth house on the corner, pose a MAJOR threat to my family. See how that works? Anyhow, I am waaay off the subject matter here...
Kathy went through the procedure and six months later, Taylor was born, beautiful and perfect. Of course we were told the test of the amniotic fluid revealed no birth defects so we had no concerns when Taylor was born. As predicted, we were rewarded for our faith with this perfect little angel.
When it came time for Kathy to undergo the amniocentesis procedure again, "we" were pretty comfortable with everything. After all, our one experience had gone really well and we couldn't argue with the results.
Once again, the procedure went well and this time we both wanted to know the sex of our new baby. We struggled with names for a long time before we finally settle on Danielle. We had everything pretty well planned out. We knew our child would be fine. Baring some horrible unforeseen accident, our child would be perfect. After all, amniocentesis detects 99% of all birth defects and birth defects are what parents worry about. Certainly, developmental disabilities never even crossed our minds.
When I look back on my conversation with my client from Kaiser Permanente back in '97, I have to ask myself, "If amniocentesis could have predicted Danielle's autism, what would we have done?" Would we have decided to go through with the pregnancy? Kathy and I have never discussed abortions. It was never an issue but could it have been? Would it have been? It is easy to look at Dani today and say, "No way would I have missed out on this kid." But, given the little information we knew about autism at that time (absolutely nothing), the few resources available then and to this day, the stigma, concerns for the future and the stress on relationships, it is not hard to imagine some deep discussion, soul searching and much prayer. Thank goodness we did not have to make that decision.
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